Quora question: What do you call a person who spies on his wife?

My response:  A stalker. It may start with spying on her cellphone, looking through her texts; then checking her computer. Now you’re following her. This is a slippery slope to being a stalker.

Let’s face it—no good can come from spying on one’s spouse. At best, you are left with unconfirmed feelings of mistrust towards her and guilt at your actions. Worse, you may feel emboldened to probe further, paradoxically proving—by your actions—that you are the untrustworthy one. And even if you learn of an indiscretion, you now have a deep-seated pain that will be with you forever.

Rather than blame her, it’s time to face your own fears, doubts, insecurities and issues of trust. The reason you married this woman was that you found some common ground, some traits that you cherished—and hopefully some love. Look specifically at the behavior you know and see if there truly are significant signs leading you to distrust her.

As it must be clear by now, nothing positive will come from spying on your spouse. You two need to sit down and talk, as this clearly is a conversation that is long overdue.

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